The Saga of Shae

... and, well, Not Shae too. Both cats know the feeding schedule - when I leave for work, I put out food and water on the back patio. Often now there is one cat waiting for me.

Tonight, BOTH cats popped up. Meowing. How is that cats not even mine are demanding food from me, I'd like to know?? Plus, until now the food has been put out in the morning, not night. Frankly, I was concerned that they might become too dependent on a renter.

And also, tonight brought a much more significant development: I touched Shae. Really, my fingers grazed her fur, but she walked right up beside me while I was standing back from the food plate. I didn't even intend to try to touch her, but... here is a cat, here are my fingers. It just kind of happened. But that was all, I didn't try to grab her or really pet her, just a fur graze. Not planned but I think it was the right move. Cats must be allowed space, and autonomy. Based on their efforts to communicate with me, I'm starting to think these aren't true ferals, but cats abandoned.

So now there are all kinds of thoughts and emotions swirling in me. I didn't want this - I didn't want more cats, I certainly didn't want to be in the position of handling friendly ferals or long abandoned strays, of maybe rehabbing them into house cats. I KNOW they are both in need of a vet - vacines, no doubt packed to the ears with parasites of all kinds, and who knows what else needed. Not Shae is missing fur too, I saw today. Skin condition, fleas or fighting? I didn't see wounds but clumps are missing.

I know this is selfish of me; I'm not done grieving for my loved ones, and I don't have the resources, especially and including money, to take on two like this. We've always kept a very careful, remote distance, for over a year now. How is that now they are circling closer to me??? Did a neon sign go up and I didn't see it?